I don’t know when I stopped to be able to relax. Perhaps it happened once my world got smaller and smaller until the only time I can call my own is when I sleep and I don’t get that much of that either.

I used to be good at taking care of myself. Meditation first thing in the morning, then work, adding to that the kids when they were born. A workout at the end of the day, a good book to fall asleep. Movies and long walks in the week-end. There was always something that could help me unwind.

Now it seems, whenever I have a few minutes to myself, I just can’t let go. Who knows why, but there isn’t even a book that will soothe me.

There seems to be a time for everything and perhaps this is a phase in my life to be on edge and a little angsty, perhaps I need a long stretch of down time to finally feel stress free. Who knows?

It’s not bad, I do get a lot done but I do feel a little disconnected from myself. This too shall pass…

The proposal for Ancient Secrets is almost done. I’m really liking it. And today I decided that “The Gravity of Love” by Enigma makes a good playlist song for the steampunk.

In my quest to find a new Regency author after reading all of Georgette Heyer and Julia Quinn, I stumbled on a popular author and started to read the book last night. I just couldn’t go on. It was one of those pirate story and I do like those usually but in this case what stopped me was the aftermath of a love scene (I read ahead yes).

I know that in those days women could feel a certain shame after having sex but frankly I can’t read about that.

I like to play with dominant hero in my own love scenes but always there is a implicit agreement that she is turned on by that and always I make sure to show how much pleasure she gets out of it both physically and mentally. it’s a game.

My writing partner writes sexy historical pirate story but her heroines do enjoy sex. They do not have that shameful feeling afterwards and if they don’t want to go to bed with the hero, then he doesn’t force her (but does work hard to seduce her).

I do like sexy romance but always when the love scene are fun, fully mutually enjoyed and cause no weird feelings for the hero or heroine what so ever afterwards. In a way, I prefer a cleaner Regency novel that end in a loving bed scene after the wedding to a historical when the heroine is violated both physically and mentally. If she feels bad right after the act, I don’t believe the hero can’t redeem himself for me.

As for conflict, in my own stories, I prefer it to be about their emotional connection or whether they love each other or not as opposed to bad or forceful sex

So I moved on to another new author (for me) and was delighted to found that I really like this Eloisa James novel where the heroine is experienced and loves every minutes of seducting the hero.

As for writing, I am still brainstorming the steampunk and hope to get up early enough tomorrow to write a scene, or at least try.

Blessed Be

I was reading a blog by agent Irene Goodman a little while ago about good habits for writers and she mentionned that sometimes you just have to get on that bus.

What does it mean?

You work hard at your craft, you do all that you should and you know that you are ready for that small bit of luck that may come your way.

But when it comes, do you actually recognize it? Do you ride it? Are you getting on that bus?

When I had the chance to be an AT finalist, I knew I was close to the big prize. I worked as hard as I could. The night before “the call” or “the email” really, I was ready for a no. I had done absolutely all I could. I went to bed knowing there was not one more thing I could do with the ressources I had.

If I hadn’t make it, I would have had no regrets.

For the things that matter to us, our relationships, our love ones, our passions, it’s good to try to recognize that time. Are we getting on the bus? Giving it our very best? Or are we stepping back, knowing what we should do but being held back by fear, or laziness or perhaps thinking that we’ll have that chance again?

Luck is fickle, it happens only once. Make that call, listen to your child, go deep and address your issues, wake up and write that scene, take charge. Not later, now.

A little more brainstorming of the Steampunk story today and closing in on that title!

Blessed be

I remember when I started writing Ancient Whispers, it was more than a story. It was all of me. My experience, my emotions, all the things that made me go ah. Call it pouring my heart and soul into it.

As I’m in the midst of the sequel, Ancient Secrets, I see what, until recently, I was missing. So far all it was, was a story. Boy meet girl, big battle. But so what?

My father always asked “so what” at the end of his paleontology seminars. So what? What is the point of this? Why should we care?

I think fiction is the same. I think we, the writer, should care, should be so involved that the story of the moment is “the one”, the best one, the one that contains our hopes, our dreams, are pains, our deep thoughts in life, even as we craft love scenes and magical worlds. It should always be our intense vision of the moment.

I guess that’s what I had been missing.

Finished editing my first 4 chapters of Ancient Secrets today, about 40 pages. Hopefully my writing partners will give me their impressions so I can go over it once more before sending it out.

Brainstormed some more on the Steampunk story and came up with some awesome scenes. I’m loving this as well, but I’m still undecided about the title.

Blessed Be.

1) It was time for me today to do a bit of brainstorming for the Steampunk story. I wrote the first act already but it was time to put on paper all the thoughts that have been swimming in my head. After I had spent an hour or so with my notebook, I came back for air and told my sons that this would be the best story ever. I don’t care if it doesn’t sell, one day they’ll read it (when they’re old enough for the sexy bits) and that’s what counts. I just need to put this down on paper, for me, for them. They helped me with the final title but I shall still call it Axiom of Depth out here in cyberspace.

2) because I had the kids at home today, editing Ancient Secrets was tricky. I did manage a little of it. Staring at the words on the screen for ever. I decided to cut a whole scene to speed things up. I’m trying to learn from my mistakes with the first book. Trying to get the story moving faster. I’m glad I did. Taking away that scene changes nothing. One rule of writing, if it’s not needed, take it out!

3) I’m still working on branding with Theresa Meyers. Trying to find images that matches what my writing is about. I discovered that the sensual part would be well represented by curling ivy. I always loved that design, even wanted to have it tatooed on one side of my waist and lower back along with a fleur-de-lys when my father died. Too bad I never did. It would have been fitting.

The mystical could be a full moon. Oh how I like the one on my cover art. Like always when I’m stumped, I need to let the ideas seep in my brain for a while, see what comes up.

4) I’ve finished an 8th Georgette Heyer novel in a row. I don’t read much romance but those Regencies are just too much fun and so well written. Nothing beat a well written book. But now I’m stuck, what to read next?

Brightest Blessings

I find it strange to think about goals. I’m on many writers email loops and it’s really exciting to see all the writers setting their goals and their plans for the New Year.

I do have my own goals but they are pretty simple really. Write every day, first finish Ancient Secrets’ draft, then write the first draft of the Steampunk story, prepare proposals, submit and cross my fingers. Hopefully, start on Ancient Shadows, the third book in the series. These are great plans of course but I find that none of my goals/plans ever go the way I think.

I did not expect to win the American Title in 2009 and publish so quickly, for example.

I guess those surprises are called life and we can plan as much as we want but really we don’t know what life has in store for us.

It’s all a process really.

In the last ten years or so I’ve looked at each year as steps in my growth. Here I became independant, here I survived grief, and here I lived through illnesses and learned.

I like to look back and pause. 2009 was the year of … (no need to expose all of me here) and 2010 may be the year of another step in life, maybe a little wisdom.

I do not fear aging except for the increased chances of illnesses. I do welcome the learning, the toughening that comes with each year, each new experience and challenge.

I don’t think I can suddenly change my nature and become perfectly organized overnight as the calendar turn. I’ll always be driven, trying hard, failing a little, messing things up a bit, having a little success and find profound joy in most of what I do and who I’m with because that’s just how I am.

No, not perfect in the new year, no great new plans except for continuing the process, making small changes to do thing better.

Just living, hoping you’ll do the same.

Blessed Be

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