I used to joke that I’d only do exercise if you’d pay me good money. The truth was that yes for 15 years I’d get paid each time I led a fitness class and I had a built in motivation right there. I’d need to be throwing up or something worse not to get out there and teach.

I did it with hungovers, 100 degrees fevers, shingle, injuries, with a lost voice and through pregnancy, sometimes up to 3 classes a day.

Then I moved and didn’t go back to my fitness job and found myself now sluggish and of course overweight.

What I have discounted was the fact that exercise gives me energy which in turns feeds my creativity.

Well I’ve been running again.

I sent a six page marketing plan to Dorchester today and I had to stop myself even though I was still getting tons of ideas for fun events. Then I wrote my 1.3K and again ton of ideas flew to me, I also found the title for my Steampunk story with tons of story thread. And wrote tons on writing yahoo loops.

I’m finding this passion for life again. All this from small morning runs.

No need to pay me now, I’ll go take that half-hour and get moving. the benefits are just way too good to pass.

I really like the holiday season and it has nothing to do with shopping and presents.

I love the lights. I have a tiny light in each of my window Rhodes Island style and as I sit here knitting, listening to Loreena McKinnitt holiday music and watching the light flicker, I think of those things that warm my heart.

I love my boys, watching them play, watching them smile. Watching them asleep or feeling them curled up to me as we sleep or as I read them a story. I love to see them climb trees and skateboard and dive recklessly at the swimming pool. I love when they suddenly say something in French.

I love talking to my mom on the phone for hours, until my ear hurt from holding the phone so tight. I love that she doesn’t speak English and that talking to her, I’m myself again. And that she knows everything about me, that she’s my best supporter.

I love all my books, the huge pile of them, each a shiny promise of escape just waiting for me so patiently.

I love my music, instantly ready to soothe me, make me move, or inspire me.

I love my knitting. The gorgious yarn so soft in it’s rich colors, each stiches working hard to keep me warm.

I love moving. Each of my running steps, each weight that I lift talking me closer to that strength and endurance I crave, making my mood soar.

I love…. my writing. 1400 words today and the story so branded in me now, that I’m living it.

Maid of the Winter Solstice by ~Graphix-Goddess on deviantART

I wonder how conditioned we are. How we avoid to do things that we want to do because of negative feedback.

Perhaps at first we don’t realize our reaction. We avoid doing certain things because they are now associated with pain. They are external fears that have become internalized.

A little how we train animals with electric fences. They remember the shock and avoid it, never even thinking of touching it again.

I wonder if some of our fears are not like that and I wonder when we stop fighting and accept the fence. And where we find the courage to break that cycle.

What are my fences, what are yours?

Two scenes today which means another 1600 words added to Ancient Secrets and a short run this morning in the frigid streets of Seattle.

Small steps, leading somewhere.

Blessed Be.

Winter… by *pisimau on deviantART